The Heartstrings of an Angel

MY GOD AND I

I thought murderers of borrowed lives are the worst people here on earth. The blood that gives mark to their faces, the gloves they use to hide their being, and the plans that tell them where to exit and when to do so—all these contribute to brutal persons that are unworthy of any blessing. I never thought of hating other people aside from them—until today.

I just got back to

Manila

; unpacked my bag that gave home for a 2-hour ride to 2 sets of my clothes, a planner, devotional books, a novel, a laptop, and all other necessities that only I can find them necessary. After an hour of rest, I opened the computer and went online. Multiply was getting haywire so I settled for Friendster instead. There I read a post in the bulletin entitled ‘YOU AND YOUR GOD’. The author, as I believe, meant it to be in all-capital letters. I froze for awhile, preparing for my heart to be prepared, although yes, at that time, I still didn’t know if that post is for me. You see, my Christianity is something that I don’t treasure just for religion-related issues. My Christianity is my commitment to God, my Lord and Saviour. Everything in my life connects to Him. All my decisions are made because of Him. MY WORLD REVOLVES AROUND MY CREATOR; so I don’t get it why people make ‘hell’ out of it. Mentioning God in my every sentence is a part of me. My salvation flows in my veins, so try to understand. Just try to understand and shut up.

And now, back to the post, I pressed the mouse and voila:

         

(CAUTION TO ALL CHRISTIANS: BE NOT DECEIVED BY THIS PERSON. STAND UP FOR WHAT GOD WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE. REMEMBER THAT THE DEVIL IS ALWAYS WORKING.)

Stop being such a hypocrite and see the truth about this so called religion of yours! Do not rely yourself on a belief that there is entity far more superior than any of us that's gonna protect and bring our soul into salvation. try to consider that possibilty that your GOD does not want you,that he does not like or worse, he HATES you!

Im not saying that there isn't a GOD. it's just that,what if,this things that're taught to us by men who say that they're the enlightend ones,are just made up? is it a crime to live with ones' own principles? not to rely on religion? f*ck the thought that someone controls your fate makes me sick!

I was so much disappointed upon reading this. I almost cried out of frustration. How come people still act like this when Jesus shed His own blood to pay for our sins???  It was heart-breaking. I was thinking of ignoring the post and just get on with my life. But dear, I have to stand up for God, defend Him, and perhaps, even take the opportunity to share the Word through this. So I replied with a bulletin post entitled ‘WHATEVER, MAN’:

If you're getting annoyed with my Christianity, then fine. I'm not forcing you to nod with me, neither am I asking you to read my posts. I have my right to believe what I want to. It's not your business unless you want it to be.

I know how I am such a pilgrim here on earth. I will be convicted, hated, and rebuked. But whatever, man. I am still going to believe that GOD IS MY REFUGE and HE'S THE ONLY RESON WHY I AM HERE.

Say what you wanna say. Curse. Blurt out all the pinching words. But a man like you won't move me. The devil is working! I nod in sympathy on how of all the people to rebuke me in the online world, it has to be you.

I don't believe in what you call the 'enlightened people' just because they tell me what they have experienced and wanted me to experience it as well. The only thing that I believe is the Bible. God-breathed book, written by 40 authors, threatened to be lost for so many years, and now, IT IS STILL AROUND, MAKING A WAY TO SHOW US HOW GOD HAS LOVED US...

I pity your soul, mister. Jesus will come again. Suit yourself.

BUT LEAVE ME AND MY GOD ALONE!!!

You're such a blasphemous person. After you read this, you'll see your life falling apart into shattered pieces that only GOD (my GOD, the One you took blasphemy upon) can put back.

GOD BLESS, SEMAJ.

JAMES might be his real name. Sadly, his name is actually a hero in the Bible yet he’s using his life in a very satanic way. SIGH.

Oh King of Kings, what is man that Thou art mindful of him? (Psalm 8:4a) Why do they treat you like this after what you’ve done for them, for all of us? Why do they blame you for the struggles that come to their life? Why do they just go on with their lives alone when only You knows what future will bring? Why do they think you don’t exist when they can’t even tell who’s holding the planets afloat? Why do these people are still being loved by You? For as You said Lord, “But God has commendeth His love towards us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)”

"I believe this is heaven to no one else but me, and i'll defend it long as i can be left here to linger in silence, if i choose to. would you try to understand?" -Yadah Mari Bautista

I love You Lord with all my heart. May all these people try to fathom this love that I have for You and Your mighty love that You have for all of us.

P.S.

          To all Christians out there, if you’ve read this from top to bottom, please leave a comment to tell the world of God’s love. Thank you, brothers/sisters. God bless us all.

BOLDED with TRUTH

*I bolded those that I agree upon. 100%truths.

1.I'm involved in the school production.
2. I've been to a Gwen Stefani concert.
3. Winter's my favorite season.
4. I take pictures of random things.
5. I sleep with a light on. (sometimes)
6. I actually enjoy gardening.
7. I've been stung on the butt by a bee.
8. I'm not in high school.
9. I'm graduating high school next year.
10. I don't know how to color inside the lines.
11. My virginity is important to me and I probably won't be losing it soon.
12. I've lost something then never found it.
13. I can't believe Jaslene won

America

's Next Top Model, she's disgusting!
14. I had a tree house when I was a little kid.
15. I randomly burst into laughter.
16. I'm still just a kid at heart.
17. I've sat on a bench when it had wet paint.
18. I've seen a transvestite in the last 24 hours.
19. When I don't know what a slang term is, I look it up on UrbanDictionary.com.
20. I would never shop at Juicy Couture, who would buy a $200 sweater?
21. Hey, I have one of those!
22. I live far away from my friends.
23. I prefer to hang out with my family.
24. I actually hardly ever see my family.
25. I've asked a guy out or said yes to them purely for their looks.
26. I'm a good speller.
27. I'm addicted to the computer.
28. All I want is an amazing boyfriend.
29. I already have one.
30. I've been in abusive relationships.
31. I'm a summer baby.
32. I wish I had a muffin right now.
33. It REALLY hurts when you poke yourself in the eye with a mascara brush.
34. I have red hair.
35. My mom's name is Kathy.
36. I take dance classes. [used to]
37. Pshh, I can't imagine myself dancing.
38. My star sign is a Libra.
39. My birthday is on a weekend.
40. I sometimes wear pajamas to school.
41. Kiwis are my favorite fruit.
42. I love my hometown.
43. Are you kidding me? When I graduate, I'm moving out of here.
44. If I ever did move out, I'd go to a big city.
45. I daydream a lot.
46. I have fallen in sleep in school before.
47. Im_Infected is supertastic and totally awesome.
48. The smell of subway subs makes me want to puke.
49. Valentine's Day is pointless, but I like it anyway.
50. I always seem to get dumped right before Valentine's day comes around.
51. Grilled cheese is awesome.
52. I'm lactose intolerant.
53. I've had a one night stand.
54. I'm happy with my life.
55. I have a disease.
56. I'm insecure and paranoid.
57. I hate how some people think just because you wear black you're emo.
58. I prefer staying in than going out.
59. I took ballet when I was younger.
60. I always try to write in journals, but I get bored of them easily.
61. Just goes to show you I have a short attention span.
62. Some of my friends are gay.
63. Psh. Justin Timberlake didn't bring sexy back, he brought ugly back.
67. I hate people who do bad stuff just to fit in.
68. At my school, that would backfire on you anyways.
69. My parents are still happily together.
70. I don't use AIM, I use something else.
71. I rarely share my secrets with people.
72. I'm the youngest in my family.
73. A teacher has confiscated something of mine and never gave it back.
74. I'm drinking water.
75. My parents spoil me beyond belief.
76. I normally go to the mall with my friends.
77. I'm Spanish.
78. No one's ever seen me without makeup.
79. My favorite animal at the zoo is the polar bears, they're so cute!
80. I know it's bad for me, but I love McDonald's.
81. I'm a snob about grammar.
82. I sometimes talk to people I don't like because I don't like being rude.
83. Today is Monday.
84. My favorite day of the week is Friday. [and saturdayyy]
85. I actually do study for tests.

The Real Kind of Freedom

As I was reading one of my favorite blogger’s post, grinning beyond what my mind can contain, the phone rang. I am just a meter far from it so I took the call despite the annoyance of being disturbed. I said hello and I knew that the person on the other line is a guy. I wasn’t really sure if he called for me since my dad’s friends call a lot in our landline, which is something that I somehow can’t explain. I asked my daddy to put the volume of our television to a necessary point. I actually couldn’t really hear the guy on the other line, it was hard to recognize the voice. Gladly, after my dad obeyed his commanding daughter, I finally got to ask who that is.

“Hello again. Yes? What is it again?”

“Hello?”

“Err. Sino po sila?”

“Peter Paul.”

“Huh?”

“Peter Paul!!” (he realised that I couldn’t hear him well)

“Ah.. Oh musta?”

“Okay naman.. Ikaw, musta?”

“I’m doing good” (except when you called)

“Busy ka ba?”

“Ah yea..”

“Ganun ba.. Okay, bye na.”

“Okay! Sige! ‘Til next time!” (grins and about to hung up)

“Busy ka kasi e.” (Buti alam mo. Nagpapaawa ka pa dyan.”

“Bye!”

I didn’t get to hear him say the same word again. After I hung up, I grinned to myself and say, “Finally. SIGH.” For all those who don’t know, Peter Paul is a suitor of mine–since elementary, that is. Many times he asked for my digits, and after, perhaps, a gazillion times, I gave him digits. Not mine, but my father’s. LOL. And I can’t quite comprehend why despite my lack of interest on him, plus my witch-like cruelty, he still kept on bugging me. I’m shaking my head now to put away those disgusting memories. Of him following me around like a psycho, of him telling me jokes that never made me laugh, of my cruelty. Grr. Why have I done these things? I kept on commenting on how love is hating me, how it keeps on failing me. I’ve always thought that it’s irrational (except God’s love). It is stubborn. It melts me in a negative way, like how your sundae melts even before you get to lick it. It never came to my mind that I can contribute to something that I totally hate. But look at me now. I have broken another heart. I have just did something that I know will anger me once it’s done unto me. Probably, no, scratch that. I have honestly been judgemental. I have been the person that I abhor. It’s like a ghost has come to invade my romanticism. My apology reaches to those that I have hurt. To those that I have been irrational of. Sorry.

”If ye do not love, ye are not of God…for God is love.”

“Freedom only exists when love is present. The person who gives himself or herself wholly, the person who feels freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly. And the person who loves wholeheartedly feels free.”

“In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel.”

“This is the true experience of freedom; having the most important thing in the world without owning it.”

PRIVATE PROPERTY!

I've got 2 other blogs, guys. One's in my Multiply account but I certainly hate that one. I can't believe I just filled it with surveys and random senseless thoughts. Then the other one's in Wordpress...which i am in love with. Haha. Yea, I have a definite relationship with this one. :) But sorry guys, it's kinda private yaknow. There are pictures, and names, and other private things. hehe. But wait! I surely can give permission to some that are close to me. So if you feel/think that you're somehow connecting to me well, message me. I'll give you a link to that. :D

What was I thinking?

WRITE EXACTLY WHATS ON YOUR MIND, AND DON’T CHANGE IT

1. Your ‘ex’ and You = might be friends for friendship's sake sometime this year.

2. I am listening to = Cameron Diaz's whines on Charlie's Angels:The Full Throttle

3. Maybe I should = brush my teeth now, take a warm bath, and snooze.

4. I love = God.

5. My best friend(s)= are struggling with their finals tonight. I know.

6. I don’t understand = a lot of things that happened in the past. But i dont care upon hearing the explanations that dont seem to make sense.

7. I have lost my respect for = b*tchy girlss

8. I last ate = ramen seafood.

9. The meaning of my display name is = 'a little girl in a woman's body'

10. God = is my Father and my Refuge.

11. Someday = he'll find me looking for him.

12. I will always be = loving people. writing for people. dancing for people.

13. Love = is..........insanity.

14. I never ever want to lose = my awe over such little things.

15. My myspace is = barely checked.

16. I get annoyed when = people walk slow and when  someone talks too loud.

17. Parties = must have a dancefloor just for me.

18. Simple Kisses = are given to kids.

19. Today = I enjoyed my eyeliner so much. :D

20. I wish = I wont be in school tomorrow.

*March11

You know what hurts the most huh?

You know what hurts the most huh?

It’s you being away and lost to your fairyland and coming back to fetch me from the miserable witch house. It doesn’t sound wonderful and cheesy for me.

But you know what hurts the most huh? It’s you being back again. It’s you making me feel awfully happy again. For I know… You won’t stay long beside me.

You know what hurts the most huh? It’s me being so used to all the tears and cries and being suddenly carried off to exerience love and joy again.

You know what hurts the most huh? It’s me hating this stupid, romantic dude when my heart doesn’t want to make reactions that way.

forever one-night fantasy

I miss you

But I can’t tell you

And I love you

But I’m not allowed to

I want to hold you

Hug you tight, even tighter

I want to caress your hair with my hand

Feeling each touch as it gets lighter

And I want to drink hot chocolate

And to dance with you on a rainy day

Wrap you with the cashmere that I made myself

And watch the fire burn and play

I’d like to press my lips in your neck

Even if your cuddle makes me gasp for air

I’d like to feel the weight of your arm on my waist

And reminisce the warmth that we share.

And this fantasy could go on as I want to

For only in here I can make them come true

But one day, I’ll find a way

For this to happen: the kiss, the hug, the play.

50 FIRST REACTIONS

This is called 50 FIRST REACTIONS. Type what comes to your mind first whenever you hear these 50 words. Don’t think and don’t go back and change. Doesn’t matter how random,
just type it! Repost it for all of your friends.

1. Beer: drunkard guys get drunkard girls

2. Food: cerealicious: mona kissa smile

3. Relationships: are nothing without faith and love

4. Your CRUSH: he resembles someone from my past

5. Power Rangers: I used to watch their movie over and over again when I was like 4 years old

6. Life: one heck wonderful blessing

9. The President: “ay em soree.”

10. Yummy: Ira Cruz

11. Cars: they make ugly men look or at least feel like they are hot

12. Movies: are not allowed for the Baptists. But I disobey.

13. Halloween: vacation somewhere in Pinas

14. Sex: has been a medicine for most.

15. Religion: Born-again and Baptists differ as they say.

16. Myspace: awful

17. Fear: sharp objects, ten-wheeler trucks, and roaches freakin give me peeerrrr.

18. marriage: this’ll be the first time I’ll cry in public

19. Blondes: dumblonde. Ms. Carolina that is. http://gofugyourself.typepad.com

20. SLIPPERS: Havaianas

21. SHOES: my collection. I have more than 40 pairs.

22. Asians: proud to be one.

23: Pass time: is it the time when you passed out?

24. One night stands: something that I’ll never do.

25: Cell Phone: where’s mine?

27: Smoke: very irritating when I am driving and someone shells out cigar and thus producing smoke

28: FANTASY: have 8 kids

29: COLLEGE: is an escape

30: Highschool Life: makes me darn crazy and stubborn

31. Pyjamas: rainy days, hot milo, and someone to cuddle who’s also in pyjamas.*sigh*

32. stars: a song by callalily which I dedicate to Mhy

33.

Fitness

Center

: smells guys and sweat

34. Alcohol: isopropyl makes me feel safe

35. The word love: is a joke

36. Friends: are unfaithful, sisters and brothers are not.

37. Money: shopping/traveling

38. Heartache: humors me after the tears came

39. Time: I don’t have one to consider

40. Divorce: something that my parents might ponder having

41. Dogs: hugs and licks; gave me my first kiss on the lips

42. UndiES: wedgies!

43. Parents: I don’t get along with them right now

44. Babies: are my weakness. Just one smile from them and I’m like “I could die right now!”

45. Stripper: good girls act like one when no one sees them.

46.Blogs: something that I’ll use for our church’s youth

47. News: “excuse me po!”

48. Weddings: Batanes is the perfect place to be, with only ‘his’ family and bestfriend and my family and my bestfriends to attend.

49. Pizza: Yellowcab with Kuya Olit and Nyq last night.

50. kleenex: what’s with that?

pricked

And i'd like to escape.. Far from worries. Far from me. And i'd like to dive in. To many happy thoughts and groovy songs. I want to be alone. To cry without someone hearing me. To experience peace. To live. The pain burns me so much, knowing that the person that you've always wanted to be with is now the one you're annoyed seeing. I quiver when he speaks or orders me to get coffee for him. I seem to sweat whenever he asks me questions. And I tend to be a hypocrite whenever i laugh with him. Since that family tragedy took its toll on me, I don't think i'll be capable to function as a whole once more. This isn't just another motionless emotion. It's moving. And it pricks me. It's actually hard to share this to whoever reads this. But i want an anonymous outlet. i don't want to run to my friends again. i might just ruin their weekend. this time, it's all about me...and my heart.

i want to eat these emotions away.

Heart and Echo

for all those who wonder...just check out my Multiply account for that thing with Heart and Echo. I was almost done with the blogging when this stupid laptop got haywired.ARGH!!

www.loleetah.multiply.com

just click above. you can check it out even if you don't have an account in Multiply. I'll do the blog again. Yea.